He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
