I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
