I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
