Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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