so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
