IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
