god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
