He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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