found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
