so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
