Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
