Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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