I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
