Porn is love you can see.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
