My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My balls are so social today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
