hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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