Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
