I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
