Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
