So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
