why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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