I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
