does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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