batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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