what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
