Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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