I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
