Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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