Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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