If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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