I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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