I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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