I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
