Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize