my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
