I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
