Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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