As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
