Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
