just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
