I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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