Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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