Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Couch. On fire.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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