why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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