long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
