Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
