Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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