Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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