**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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