Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
