I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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