if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
