Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
