remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
