Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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