Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
