your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
