Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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