how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize