Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
