I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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