I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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