names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
