Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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