This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
