Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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