am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
