This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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