so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
