member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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